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Becoming submissive

  • Posted on July 30, 2013 at 04:14

This is my sacred space.  This is where I will take my journey from being a survivor of abuse, twice-divorced, self-loathing woman to being a proud submissive in service to a wonderful Captain whom I love with all my heart and soul.  This is the man who has awakened the real woman within me, and has given me the strength and courage to find my true self, and to honor my deepest desires.  A man who loves and accepts me, despite my flaws and shortcomings.  A man who encourages me to practice my faith and to be true to myself in all things.  A man I can easily see spending the rest of my life with.

I have not always been a submissive person.  When I was a teenager and first married, I was headstrong, willful, and would not let anyone order me around (except my superior officers, seeing as how I *was* in the military).  As I have gotten older, however, I have found abundant pleasure in service.  In giving my life over to someone else.  Now, the man I have given myself over to wants me to lead my own life, and does not intend to dictate every aspect of it, but he appreciates the gift I am giving him.

My goals- from a journal prompt at

  • Posted on July 29, 2013 at 21:41

Are there any goals you hope to accomplish …

Are there any goals you hope to accomplish within the next year? Are there any from the last year you have not been able to do yet but still want to accomplish?


Yes, yes YES!  There are many goals I’d like to accomplish before the year is over.

1) TO get healthy and lose 50 lbs
I have managed to lose a good portion of this weight so far.  I am now under 200 lbs for the first time in 10 years.

2) Write more, even if it’s just in my journal
This has been amended to writing daily in my journal/blogs.

3) Communicate better with the people I care about

4) Show the people I love that I love them every day

5) Remove from my life the people who cause me pain.

6) Work through one chapter of my self-help books a month, particularly The Book

7) Build my self-confidence

8) Practice yoga at least once a week, three times a week would be better

9) Be able to walk 15 miles
This got sidetracked by having surgery in the middle of June.  I am going to have to carry this one over to next year, when I’ve been through the physical therapy to get my foot back to optimal performance. :)

10) Practice my religion, marking full and new moons, as well as Sabbats and Esbats.
I have done one new moon rit, and have an Esbat coming up this week that I am already planning my ritual for.  I *WILL* get this one on track and will be doing what I need to do for my spirituality.  I finally have people around me who support me in practicing my beliefs, and they want me to be true to myself.

11) Mary Kay car by Christmas
This one has also been sidetracked, by  my own lack of self-esteem and confidence in myself.  Now that I am mobile again, I will start going back to my weekly meetings and doing what I need to do to get back on track with it.

Wants and needs

  • Posted on July 29, 2013 at 20:29

This is continuing with my starting out as a sub course.  Figuring out my wants and needs in a relationship.  I will edit and add to this list as I think of more.

NEEDS in a relationship

Financial, emotion, physical security
time spent together

WANTS in a relationship

mutual interests
vacation in Italy
willing co-parent

My Limits list

  • Posted on July 29, 2013 at 20:28


Beating with cane
Beating with whip
Beating on back
Beating on feet
Any activity involving children
Scat play
Anything dead
Inverted Suspension
Chains (metal allergies)
Full head hoods
Drinking blood
Drinking semen
Drinking urine
Forced exhibition
Anal fisting
Eating from bowl on floor
Ring gag
Public humiliation
Public lecturing
Licking anything but skin
Heavy pain
Animal roleplay
Deprivation sensory play
Full body shaving
Shaving head
Brown showers
Golden showers
Boot worship


Beating with flogger
Beating with paddles
Beating with strap
Beating on chest
Heavy Bondage
Prolonged Bondage
Breath play
PVC clothing
Rubber clothing
Collar- public or private
Vaginal fisting
Having my food chosen
Eating from someone
Nipple weights
Fire play
Double penetration
Triple penetration
Anal sex


Beating with hairbrush
Forced sex acts
Gang rape

Starting out eCourse from The Submissive Guide

  • Posted on July 29, 2013 at 20:28

Found this great site in looking for advice on a contract for my Dom and I.  The owner has this eCourse for helping newbies (like me!) figure themselves out as subs. So, I’m going to be doing my activities in here for the eCourse.
One of the things I’m supposed to be doing is blogging every day, so this will also be my daily blog for that, as well.

On to the day’s written activity!

What was your understanding of BDSM prior to this eCourse? I knew that it was a lifestyle, and a bit about Dom/mes and subs. I was not completely aware of TPE. I knew some of bondage, had done some very light bondage.
Why do you feel that you are submissive? I have always wanted to let someone else run everything in my life for me. Have always felt more comfortable, to an extent, allowing someone else to run my life.
Would you be better suited, from what you have learned so far, to part-time submission in the bedroom or a full-time submissive role? Something in-between? While I am a very independent person, which is contrary to wanting someone to take over my life for me, I am thinking I’m something in between a full-time sub and a bedroom sub.